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Irises for the Living
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2007.08.03 23.58
Fast forward 1 year
Or rewind.
Slow forward?
I haven't posted here since I was desperately bored at the office last summer.
Update on me?
I'm 21 now. I have a blog you won't get unless you're into Second Life because I'm a freak like that, but hey, I update it more than this thing, along with lots of art (one very slow day I may update my deviant art account but until then there's Flickr). MySpace is crap, but I'm on Facebook.
I'm going into my third year of university at Nipissing in September, I have a job as a bilingual customer service/translator girl and I work from home, which is great when I'm at school but when I'm home it means I can go a whole month without setting a dainty toe out the door.
I miss the things I did during the time this blog was active. My flute, my real art, my friends, my poetry, even anime. I've disconnected and made sacrifices for other things. Are the other things worth it? I'm practically bipolar as far as emotions and moods are concerned, but I recently worked on the cover of the July/August issue of MIT's Technology Review. I've totally lost every scrap of what I had with my short mangaka boy, but I've been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal.
My nails are longer than ever but I'll probably bite them off shortly.
I don't know if I'm ahead of where I was or behind.
Mood:  tired
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(4 Petals | Potpourri) |
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2006.05.06 18.12
This will all sound whiny, provoke many a "Suck it up, princess!" Buuut...
Got dragged to the mall to find... a jacket. All the 'jackets' look the SAME this season. Like, hello, variety's calling collect, and none of these stores will pick up the charges.
.... Clueless moment.
I settled on a purse. it's flimsy and weird shaped, but I had no other wierd choices. It's a Janine purse as others would define it, not me. Got some Clinique makeup too. Foundation and champagne gloss. It's nice on my skin. In theory anyway. i can't ever really tell.
It's gotten so that going to Chapters depresses me. The comic by my favourite artist seemed boring, and it broke my heart; the Gravitation novel is HORRIBLY written, I couldn't bare to really look at it long. It was like uninspiring fanfiction. And, the real kicker....
That new biography of chairman mao? SHocking revelations, jazzy cover, thicker than a dictionary? 50$. I think I actually felt my heart explode and fizzle a little.
I think next weekend I'm going to go downtown and poke into the nutty chocolatier for some gelato. And maybe get one of those hot dog cart hotdogs, sit on the rim of the fountain, and watch the busses for a little while. Anyone want to come with?
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(1 Petal | Potpourri) |
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2006.05.04 04.16
Life in the carpool lane.
Lately, I can't tell whether or not my life is on a charmed path or not. There are days, like today, where every misstep seems utterly trivial, and other days where the roof collapses on me, followed shortly by the floor collapsing under me.
Granted that was a little dramatic, wasn't it? But it's 4am and I'm watching Angel reruns under a Hello Kitty blanket in a basement colder than the dimples in a witch's ass.
Today did go rather well. Right before going out to drop off resumes at Sears, Staples, Chapters, and the usual retail crapshoots, Julie calls from the Cooperators, offering me a "6-8 week" "project" with uncertain hours, but 13.68 an hour, full time for the first week. Coupled with that, I'm being shared with Suzanne, who works closer to my mother, flitting between whatever projects they'll have me on. If I catch on fast and work hard, the jobs could go until August, full time. That is precisely what i want. Dad calculated (though his math is what i would call "Optimistic", and added an extra 6-8 weeks ontop of what's laid out... and he was way off now that I do the calcs myself, but still....) that this job could take a sizeable chunk out of school fees. Nice, if I want that laptop, and if I hope to... you know... finish school without amassing a frightful debt? Something like that.
But I have to get new clothes. i don't have enough.... business.... stuff...? I don't... have a real purse.....?
I suddenly lost cohesiveness. Bedtime soon. Very soon.
Umm...
I was going to say stuff about a wireless router too...
Mmmuh. I should set my computer up in my room. And... clean.
I need to work.
This is boring.
Bedtime.
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2006.04.16 09.54
Villa of Stars
It was pointed out by.. 3... people, oddly, that I hadn't used this blog since march. That's only a couple weeks, really, but i figured what the hell. I have 12 more days left in North Bay. When I get home, I have to take driver's training classes and get my g2, and I also need to get a job. I want to get a laptop at some point, and for my birthday all I'm hoping for is the new Harvest Moon game, and a small non-stick frying pan.
I hadn't been sleeping well recently, but unlike the advice I got from Amanda, and dad, indicated, it just sort of fixed myself. My sleep schedule corrected overnight to a better one than I had even going through high school. I get exhausted around midnight or so, and wake up almost without fail around 7 every morning. I feel better getting up early, oddly enough, sometimes I nap a little around noon (I see the origins of the siesta perfectly now). If I can keep this schedule going, a full time job will be no problem to get up for every morning. Can't even sleep in when I have 3 days of nothing straight. It's a miracle, really...
Oh, and Happy Easter.
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2006.03.30 19.21
So Succexy in this Bittersweet now.
It's a little sad when you can't enjoy a poetic mood anymore because the clichéed-ness of the Lisa Loeb in the poet shirt with a braided bracelet makes you feel guilt for it.
There's one more week of classes, then several weeks of exams.
All non-exam related work and testing is done.
The big poster I made of my favourite What If illustrations keeps sliding down from the wall. No matter how much sticky tack I use, it crashes to the floor in the middle of the night, dragging me out of the sleep I manage to get. I go to bed early, and my body wakes me yup in time to watch the back-to-back episodes of Angel on Space at three and four in the morning. I lay in bed, eventually they end, and if I'm lucky I get back to sleep. I'm occasionally left wide awake after less than five hours of sleep, while other days, thirteen hours of sleep will still leave me exhausted. I miss how I felt in high school, especially now that it's spring. I miss walking home along Woodlawn road if I was out of bus tickets. At the same time I wish this place were further from high school. I'm consciously aware that this school is the only one right for me, but my education doesn't start to specialize until next year. it feels like big high school. I have to admit I doubt things sometimes. Would I be happier if I went into a journalism program at Ryerson? What if I'd done design at OCAD? Or even trained at a college to be a chef? Do i want to teach high school, or specialize further in Guelph to be a Professor? Should I abandon my plans to teach abroad? Are they even as feasible as they seemed? Do I want to write?
I want to be able to write again. I've lost it, and I'm scared to pen anything new. I'm haunted by my fear of being that cliché and it's inescapable. Do I want to be an artist?
I like art, but I'm not strong enough for it.
I've all but abandoned music.
So I do miss in high school, when I wrote, painted, played. I was far more self-assured then too, though it never felt that way.
It's very tiring, running away from the cliché.
The one thing I am happy with, though... I like having French. I dislike the courses, I don't want to make it my life, but it is something I use to identify myself now. It's an image, for me. That's probably not a good thing.
Mood:  guilty
Music: Bittersweet- Fuel
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2006.03.22 06.23
pigtest
I drew a pig
I drew the pig:
Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.
With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.
With 4 legs showing, they are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals.
The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better. You drew medium sized ears, you are a good listener
The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life.
And again more is better! You did not draw a tail :)
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2006.03.11 03.30
I would kill, or at least do horrible things, for even a low-level 12 inch ibook right now. I like this computer much more, but it's... restrictive. I would swipe Beth's laptop if it weren't crap.
... No I wouldn't.
But she'd lock her door more often.
In other news, I got into residence for next year, so I won't have to live year-round in the grody government townhouses down the street.
They're not really grody, and I'm sure they're better than the school townhouses that I PRAY we don't get stuck in, but I'm not interested in living there. At all.
And also, I apparently cannot sleep without my gray puppy anymore, which made the nights after I fought with him, and subsequently kicked the puppy representing him into the closet, all the more difficult.
I'm having a hard time deciding right now if I like being here, or being home more. I'm counting down until summer vacation like everyone else, but I know as soon as it's here, I'll be counting until my second year starts.
...Though I am looking forward to it.
... Simultaneously dreading it.
I don't know what I want anymore.
Mood:  blah
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