Irises for the Living

Fast forward 1 year

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 04:16:31 GMT

Or rewind.

Slow forward?

I haven't posted here since I was desperately bored at the office last summer.

Update on me?

I'm 21 now. I have a blog you won't get unless you're into Second Life because I'm a freak like that, but hey, I update it more than this thing, along with lots of art (one very slow day I may update my deviant art account but until then there's Flickr). MySpace is crap, but I'm on Facebook.

I'm going into my third year of university at Nipissing in September, I have a job as a bilingual customer service/translator girl and I work from home, which is great when I'm at school but when I'm home it means I can go a whole month without setting a dainty toe out the door.

I miss the things I did during the time this blog was active. My flute, my real art, my friends, my poetry, even anime. I've disconnected and made sacrifices for other things. Are the other things worth it? I'm practically bipolar as far as emotions and moods are concerned, but I recently worked on the cover of the July/August issue of MIT's Technology Review. I've totally lost every scrap of what I had with my short mangaka boy, but I've been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal.

My nails are longer than ever but I'll probably bite them off shortly.

I don't know if I'm ahead of where I was or behind.

Roused

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 14:49:45 GMT

Calm down. Roused, not aroused. I haven't blogged in the longest of long times. Errrrrrrrrrr................ Ssooooooooo..........

How's your mom?

I'm tired. XD I have 3 illustrations, 3 articles and a book review to finish before sunday, but OHMAGAWD long weekend. I want pizza, I'm broke, I'm getting my freaky ass doll soon. I need to get new shoes new plates new liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife before I move back up to NB.

Current "if this were a perfect world" wishlist:

Claudia Neel doll I've been cheap for 2.5 years now. I wish I could just snap out of it and be insane and stupid enough to just DO IT. But I'm not that irresponsible, and neither is anyone i know, so... bleh....

Boots I love knee-high laceups.

Creepers Soooo cute.... I have these in Second Life.

MJs They even have my damn size. Too cruel.

And now break's over, back to work. z_z

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 02:14:21 GMT

Nothing makes me feel as girly as watching one of those british period dramas with Snape, Kate Winslet, Hugh Laurie, and the girl who played Beatrice in Kenneth Branaugh's Much Ado About Nothing.
Snape and Laurie especially. The colonels of snarkiness.

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 21:17:32 GMT

Austin Walker: Aunt Heidi: "It was my senior year spring semester before I knew what I wsa going to do. I went to my professor for help, he asked me what I was doing, and suggested law."
Austin: "Yeah, yeah...neat..."
Heidi: "Good luck, have a good summer."
Grandma: "Just keep praying and God will lead you to your niche, just like He did with Heidi."
Austin: "But she just said that a professor did that..."
Grandma: "The good Lord sent him."
Austin: "She said that she went to him."
Grandma: "That's right, keep praying."
Heidi: "Keep praying."
Dad: "God god god god christianity god pray god."
Janine Hawkins: You should say, "Actually, I'm interested in converting to Judaism to become an ethnic rabbi...."
Austin Walker: hahahahah
4:15 PM
Austin Walker: they left before I could explain that their concept of god was utterly flawed
Janine Hawkins: The power of intense human faith will create what it creates. God is as real as the concepts of celebrity or self-worth.
Austin Walker: That there can't be an infinitely powerful god, and infinitely loving god, and an eternal god.
Janine Hawkins: God heals some, because their faith affects their body's response. God punishes others because their faith breeds guilt within their nsubconscious until they sabotage themselves.
Janine Hawkins: And you can't have an effect without a cause.
Janine Hawkins: Even if the cause isn't a physically apparent entity.
Janine Hawkins: So suck it.
Austin Walker: That effect is psycho-somatic - the force that causes it isn't God
Janine Hawkins: Yes it is.
Janine Hawkins: Not like Big guy makes it happen, but the belief in him, creates him, creates the effect.
Austin Walker: No, "god" is an unmoved mover
Austin Walker: The belief is a moved mover.
Janine Hawkins: If someone believes they're ugly, they feel ugly, don't they? They feel ugly, act ugly, and may become ugly.
Janine Hawkins: The stronger they believe it, the uglier they'll get.
Janine Hawkins: The stronger you believe in something, the more real it becomes.
Austin Walker: That isn't always the case.
Austin Walker: For isntance, someone who strongly believes physics doesn't work - physics won't magically stop working.
Janine Hawkins: That's different.
Austin Walker: No, because the concept of "God" is a metaphysical concept as it is in their minds.
Janine Hawkins: You can't physically prove God. You CAN physically prove gravity
Austin Walker: It is a physical force.
Austin Walker: People who believe in God believe it is a realistic Force as opposed to a psychological causer.
Austin Walker: (On a side note, thank you for this)
Janine Hawkins: If you can disprove something in a concrete manner, you can halt the effects of belief.
Austin Walker: (i've lacked real cognitive excercise)
Austin Walker: Disproving something doesn't shake someone who firmly believes it though.
Janine Hawkins: They don'[t need to believe it's a psychological causer, that would be proving your point, not mine.
Janine Hawkins: You can't believe in something that in some form or another doesn't or hasn't exist. The initial idea or concept has to originate somewhere, or else it can never enter a person's mind.
Janine Hawkins: Do you believe in black holes? Dark energy? You've never seen it, but the idea is out there, and observable effects can be pinned to it. It doesn't have to be something physical in your sense to exist.
Janine Hawkins: The idea of god is out there, and observable effects can also be pinned to him. You've never met him, but what makes him any less 'real' than a black hole?
Austin Walker: Sorry, old high school/grade school friend come
Austin Walker: *came in
Janine Hawkins: Suuuure.
Austin Walker: he did
Austin Walker: lol
4:35 PM
Austin Walker: damn it
Austin Walker: I had a point here, with what I had typed down
Austin Walker: but now I've forgotten
Austin Walker: friggen Kevin
Janine Hawkins: Just retreat now and we both win.
Janine Hawkins: And by that I mean I win.
Austin Walker: *grin*
Austin Walker: give me a second
Janine Hawkins: Uhhuh?
4:40 PM
Austin Walker: I'm not trying to prove you wrong, I'm trying to prove "them" wrong. They believe that it is a physical entity. If it is just a psychological force, and you are right, then they are still wrong.
Janine Hawkins: Fuck them. We already know they're wrong. The point is, what's right about their wrongness.
Austin Walker: more over, all I was ever attacking was the validity of a god with inherant contridictions
Janine Hawkins: I'm vengeful and loving. Does that mean I don't exist?
Austin Walker: you're not infinitely loving and infinitely powerful
Janine Hawkins: How do you know?
Austin Walker: If you were you'd have to constantly do loving things
Janine Hawkins: When we argue, how often do I win? How often do I tell you things that, months later, prove true?
Janine Hawkins: How often to I impress you?
Janine Hawkins: How often do I alter your mood without physical contact?
Austin Walker: that's not even the real issue, the love/power thing. The stronger one is that an eternal god who is also infinitely powerful isn't infinitely powerful because if he were, he could stop existing. But because he is eternal, he can't.
Austin Walker: Likewise an ever loving god with infinte power can't do anything non-loving.
Austin Walker: he also can't not have infinte power
Janine Hawkins: Sometimes loving actions seem non loving.
Janine Hawkins: And I think infinite power allows someone to be eternal, not the other way around.
Austin Walker: That's why I said I'm moving on from that onto the infinite power argument
Austin Walker: no, the christian god has a quality of being "eternal"
Austin Walker: And if he does that then he can't also be non-eternal
Austin Walker: Which means he can no longer have infinte power
Janine Hawkins: Who's saying he's non eternal?
Janine Hawkins: You've totally lost me.
Janine Hawkins: Why does he have to be non-eternal to have infinite power?
Janine Hawkins: The point of infinite is that it is eternal.
Austin Walker: And therefore he can't be non infinite
Austin Walker: Having "infinite power" has a ton of problems
Austin Walker: most notably that there are plenty of things someone with infinite power (and other qualities) can't do
Janine Hawkins: OOOOOHHHH
Austin Walker: Got it?
Janine Hawkins: Okay. You mean it's not infinite because he can't make himself un-eternal
Austin Walker: or are you onto something new, and pink?
Austin Walker: RIGHT
Janine Hawkins: Well, technically he could, but doesn't, because he's right and that would make him unright. That's why he wouldn't.
Austin Walker: So he has free will?
Austin Walker: that brings about more problems
Janine Hawkins: I'm a girl, I could get an operation to be a boy, but that would make my girly tendancies a lie, so I wouldn't. Doiesn't mean I'm not a girl......
Janine Hawkins: God has free will, of course he does. He's god.
Austin Walker: You're Janine, who has the quality of being a girl, and the qualitiy of having girl tendancies
Austin Walker: changing to be a boy
Austin Walker: would make you a boy, but you'd still be Janine
Janine Hawkins: Genberally it's assumed in most forms of christianity that we all have free will, so why wouldn't god, who made us in his image?
Austin Walker: If God has Free Will and is Loving then he could never do anything that is non-loving
Austin Walker: and since he can't do something (again) then he isn't omnipotent
Austin Walker: OH, and going back a second:
Janine Hawkins: He is loving, he chooses not to be unloving.
Austin Walker: bluesheepsama (4:43:37 PM): When we argue, how often do I win? How often do I tell you things that, months later, prove true?
bluesheepsama (4:43:53 PM): How often to I impress you?
bluesheepsama (4:44:12 PM): How often do I alter your mood without physical contact?
Janine Hawkins: for those same reasons
Austin Walker: Just because I worship you doesn't mean you are God. XP
Janine Hawkins: That's more than a second
Austin Walker: haha
Austin Walker: The christian god doesn't just choose to be good - he is by nature loving.
Austin Walker: He is omnibenevolent
Janine Hawkins: Exactly. He is by nature loving, and eternal, so although he COULD, he wouldn't choose to be evil, or to die.
Janine Hawkins: If he is omnipotent, how could he NOT have the choice?
Austin Walker: The christian god could never be evil.
Austin Walker: He can't.
5:00 PM
Austin Walker: god I wish I was home with my books
Janine Hawkins: Because he chooses not to be. it would be against his own feelings and being.
Janine Hawkins: You're assuming just because you are something, you can't make choices otherwise. Eninem's white, but he acts black.
Austin Walker: I'm not assuming, I went to catholic school for 13 years - I'm pretty familiar with the Christian Conception of god
Janine Hawkins: The Catholic one.
Janine Hawkins: It's onh the only one.
Janine Hawkins: not*
Austin Walker: I also went to 13 years of protestant sunday school
Austin Walker: So I'm familiar with that too
Austin Walker: And those are the conceptions I'm attacking
Janine Hawkins: Your life's goal since conception has been to mix shit to get hated on both sides, hasn't it?
Austin Walker: Yup
Austin Walker: *grin*
Austin Walker: Am I being hostile? Am I going to lose another friend from arguing?
Austin Walker: Cause if so, I'll stop
Janine Hawkins: Biracial catholic protestant rapping philosopher.
Janine Hawkins: No. I just think you're being bullheaded. I'm not arguing against a specific concept, I'm arguing for a larger perception/
Austin Walker: ...I don't rap...much....not since that one night...
Janine Hawkins: brb dinner
Austin Walker: fah
Austin Walker: ok
Austin Walker: ttyl
5:05 PM
Janine Hawkins: back
Austin Walker: wow
Austin Walker: did you inhale the food?
Janine Hawkins: if you want to talk specific problems, the mormons who think you won't go to heaven without 3 or more wives, but jesus and god are in heaven and according to then never married?
Janine Hawkins: I brought it with me.
Austin Walker: ah
Austin Walker: awww, am I that interesting?
Janine Hawkins: That's not really the point of the argument I was following. XD
Austin Walker: Yeah, that is a problem.
Austin Walker: lol
Austin Walker: Mormon's are just as bad
Janine Hawkins: No, my mom's watching Alfie.

On my mid-morning break

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 14:57:59 GMT

And I don't feel so hot today. Well, I feel fine, except for random dizziness. I feel like I'm on angles all the time. Going to grab some... something... at Shoppers at lunch. Acetominophen? That's not really for this sort of thing... but it could work, couldn't it? Maybe psychosomatically if nothing else.
I need a pillow or something to rest my head on right about now. Lunch cannot come fast enough. ...And back to work.

Long but good

Sun, 28 May 2006 06:25:56 GMT

Janine Hawkins: what the hell is on TBS
Janine Hawkins: black girlk from clueless...?
Janine Hawkins: ...WHo works out in a tubetop? That is so impractical!
Janine Hawkins: That's like a guy working out in low-rise pants
Austin Walker: she's trying to be hot
Janine Hawkins: Ooooh it's some Black movie.
Janine Hawkins: Iam I on Bet?
Austin Walker: was it the soundtrack
Janine Hawkins: ...No TBS....
Austin Walker: Bill Belemy
Austin Walker: and Carmen Electra?
Austin Walker: Or a carmen electra wanna be
Janine Hawkins: "hehehe"
Austin Walker: oh man, Bill Belemy is going to totally do her.
Austin Walker: on that counter top
Austin Walker: "And here's the fireplace, in front of which we'll be making sweet fine ebony love in just about 20 minutes."
Janine Hawkins: "I want to show you the most amazing view of my abnormally large negro wang"
Austin Walker: hahaa
Janine Hawkins: What the hell was the point of that?
Austin Walker: her ass, and our side comments
Janine Hawkins: And why was Dionne visiting a psychologist who I think was in my big fat greek wedding.
Austin Walker: hahaha
Janine Hawkins: And the girl in the tube top working out
Austin Walker: She's wearing a crucifix around her neck that is dipping into her cleavage. In films, that's a sure sign that she' s a slut.

As for the black girl working out
Austin Walker: nooo clue
Austin Walker: look, black girls work out
Austin Walker: in tube tops
Austin Walker: and low rise pants.
Austin Walker: and push up bras
Janine Hawkins: Dionne's hair is light though, and she has such whitegirl features that I keep staring like "That is one FUCKED UP tan"
Austin Walker: hahahah
Janine Hawkins: fucking... yeah
Austin Walker: Good ol' TBS.
Austin Walker: I wonder what this movie is.
Austin Walker: I wonder if I'm in it. That happens all the time with Black People movies - friends of friends of friends who aren't anyone at all make their way into the movies.
Austin Walker: oh god, Miss Congeniality.
Janine Hawkins: the music channel is supposed to have an elvis movie on but there's a guy on an atv being chased by cops and a motorcycle racer with cut scenes flashing to Jet Li in a cage fighting right with 8 guys trying to beat him up.
Austin Walker: hahahahha
Austin Walker: isn't he always
Janine Hawkins: Now the motorcycle is chasing the atv up a narrow indoor marble staircase.
Austin Walker: wait, is it Romeo Must Die?
Austin Walker: that's the exact sort of movie I'm talking about. DMX is in it for no reason.
Janine Hawkins: OH! It has to be. Aaliyah was in that.
Austin Walker: yup
Austin Walker: then she died.
Austin Walker: oh no, then she was in what's it called.
Austin Walker: then she died.
Janine Hawkins: Aaliyah and DMX, so the music channel would play that because they're already reached their play-limit for "Selena"
Austin Walker: yup.
Austin Walker: hahah
Janine Hawkins: Queen of the Damned
Austin Walker: Yes
Austin Walker: that.
Janine Hawkins: They played that a few months ago.
Austin Walker: did they?
Janine Hawkins: Her brother had to do some of the voice dubbing when they were finishing the movie
Austin Walker: that's a shame. I had to watch it 3 times.
Austin Walker: in a week.
Austin Walker: hahah really?
Janine Hawkins: How fem is her brother?
Austin Walker: what, is it me or did this movie just go back in time?
Austin Walker: he must be pretty fem
Austin Walker: ohhh
Austin Walker: the movie on TBS is "Getting played"
Janine Hawkins: What is WRONG with purpleshirts FACE?
Austin Walker: hahah
Janine Hawkins: darkpurpleshirt, not lavender blouse man
Austin Walker: yeah
Austin Walker: Three beautiful women (Electra, Dash, and Fox) who have had their share of men trouble enter into a game of fun in which they choose a random guy and film each other seducing him so as to use the footage later to humiliate him. But problems arise when the random man is in on the joke.
Janine Hawkins: The guy who was her boyfriend on Clueless is hosting a show about how to be a manly man on another channel right now.
Austin Walker: haha
Austin Walker: wow, Bill Belemy is such an actor
Austin Walker: look at that skill
1:30 AM
Janine Hawkins: ...WHAT
Janine Hawkins: Old man?
Janine Hawkins: Why did he move the old man?
Austin Walker: hahahahaha
Austin Walker: Look
Janine Hawkins: Why is he drunk?> it looks like noon.
Austin Walker: he was in Bellemy's way when he was trying to Get Played
Austin Walker: The fact that I can't see one of her hands off screen is disconcerting
Janine Hawkins: Purpleshirt is you, but slightly more jiggy and slightly less wiggy
Austin Walker: What, ew.
Austin Walker: You know what, pff.
Janine Hawkins: OH NO DENZEL
Janine Hawkins: ALWAYS DENZEL
Austin Walker: hahahahah
Janine Hawkins: Did he just say she had three toes?
Austin Walker: I think so
Austin Walker: and ew
Austin Walker: she looks horrible
Austin Walker: yeah
Janine Hawkins: I don't understand ebonics.
Austin Walker: he did
Austin Walker: I think he might've said Sweet Toes.
Austin Walker: maybe they've established that these two have a foot fetish
Janine Hawkins: ...What the hell, you just told ALL your business.
Janine Hawkins: British accent for 2 seconds....
Austin Walker: this scene is oddly homo-erotic. Purple shirt is wayyy too interested
Austin Walker: hahaha
Austin Walker: "How devious some people can be"
Austin Walker: wow, british for like 5 seconds
Janine Hawkins: "I'M DEWING WEELL~!!!"
Austin Walker: haha
Janine Hawkins: Purple shirt had a tiny sippy straw
Austin Walker: I'm on a 10 second delay from you >.<
Janine Hawkins: Straight men don't use st.....
Janine Hawkins: uuuuuuuuhhhhhh
Austin Walker: see!
Austin Walker: GAYYyyyyyyYYY
Janine Hawkins: "I have secxual needs..." "..Check!"
Janine Hawkins: This is fucking CREEPY
Austin Walker: eww
Austin Walker: he has blisters
Austin Walker: ew
Janine Hawkins: WHAT?
Austin Walker: that's what he said!
Austin Walker: He was like "man, I need help!" "Check!" "I got blisters!"
Janine Hawkins: I missed taht.....
Janine Hawkins: That's gross.
Austin Walker: he showed Bellemy his hands
Austin Walker: *Bellamy
Janine Hawkins: ...............wow
Janine Hawkins: um....
Janine Hawkins: vaseline?
Janine Hawkins: It's not healthy to do too many dry runs XD
Janine Hawkins: He's probably circumcized himself through erection erosion by now.
Austin Walker: ...
Austin Walker: ew.
Austin Walker: that...would...hurt
Austin Walker: Yeah, mom's home, when she asks what I've been doing I'm gonna tell her "Janine and I are talking about non-lubed masturbation causing blisters."
Janine Hawkins: HAHA
1:40 AM
Janine Hawkins: He has one dexterous cooch.
Austin Walker: he listened
Austin Walker: err
Janine Hawkins: ..SHE
Janine Hawkins: not he
Austin Walker: no, I meant "I told my mom that."
Austin Walker: She said "She shouldn't do that. Tell Janine to use lube." I explained that I was joking.
Austin Walker: >.<
Austin Walker: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0396032/board/nest/31226176
Janine Hawkins: less ballet more booby.
1:45 AM
Austin Walker: my mom is in my room commenting on how ugly she is
Janine Hawkins: HER HAIR
Janine Hawkins: Pageboy mullet.
Janine Hawkins: It's distractiing
Austin Walker: hahahaha
Janine Hawkins: That candle is HUGE.
Janine Hawkins: ...and that was lame
Austin Walker: ...the candle is huge for a reason
Austin Walker: what, did you wanna see some hot lovin?
Janine Hawkins: No.
Janine Hawkins: The movie taht would be in the adult section.
Janine Hawkins: I thought normally sex would be in the biographies section
Austin Walker: you didn't wanna see his abnormally large negro wang?
Janine Hawkins: And why would you show yourself having sex to your friends?
Austin Walker: Look, the guys have a fetish
Austin Walker: and these girls do too
Austin Walker: the guys like feet, the girls exhibitionism
Janine Hawkins: SHUT UP SORTA WHITE GIRL, YOU ARE NOT NUBIAN ENOUGH TO WIN
Austin Walker: she will totally lose
Austin Walker: they should just fight.
Janine Hawkins: The darkest one is ugly.
Janine Hawkins: I want Dionne to win.
Austin Walker: you mean the black one?
Austin Walker: hah
Austin Walker: wait
Austin Walker: what happened there?
Austin Walker: what was Jerry Springer on for a second for?
1:50 AM
Janine Hawkins: The sex tape had springer. He switched the tapes.
Janine Hawkins: He happened to have a spare tape in his codpiece
Austin Walker: ahh
Austin Walker: that's not all he had.
Austin Walker: .
Austin Walker: That's not a real book.
Austin Walker: And that shirt is at least a size too small for her
Janine Hawkins: OH. BENCH SEX.
Austin Walker: yup
Austin Walker: sunset bench sex
Austin Walker: that would hurt, badly.
Janine Hawkins: Why did she care what time it was if she was just goin got sit on this bench for hours without eating or taking a pee break.
Austin Walker: is this now post sex?
Austin Walker: Look, I explained this.
Austin Walker: Fetishes.
Austin Walker: She was able to both eat and take a pee break.
Janine Hawkins: .........ewe
Austin Walker: hah
Austin Walker: that's what you get for erosion circumcision
Janine Hawkins: "He has a bad job,soo... " I work for your dad"
Austin Walker: lol
Janine Hawkins: erection erosion circumcision
Austin Walker: right right
Austin Walker: eec
Janine Hawkins: more like ekk
Janine Hawkins: ..eek
Austin Walker: I'm so glad I was too young to have memories of that. Grown men who have that done must hate themselves.
1:55 AM
Janine Hawkins: yeah.
Austin Walker: I'm also glad I don't live in a culture of female circumcision, because really, that might be one of the cruelest things a person can do
Janine Hawkins: damn africans
Janine Hawkins: or whatever
Austin Walker: Some arab places too.
Austin Walker: but yeah, frickin' tribal..people.
Austin Walker: Relativism can go to hell.
Janine Hawkins: She has never said NOR in her LIFE
Austin Walker: hahah
Austin Walker: What the fuck is this accent she's using now?
Austin Walker: WHY ARE THESE THREE WOMEN FRIENDS?
Janine Hawkins: Why do NONE OF THEM HAVE ASSES
Janine Hawkins: Oh purpleshirt
Austin Walker: not again..
Janine Hawkins: Who's Kobe?
Janine Hawkins: What just happened?
Austin Walker: all of them love, all of them.
Janine Hawkins: Did someone get shot?
Austin Walker: Kobe Bryant is a star basketball player.
Austin Walker: lol
Janine Hawkins: Oooooh
Austin Walker: He raped some girl last year.
Janine Hawkins: I didn't know they meant him
Austin Walker: I doubt that's what they were reffering to though.
Janine Hawkins: I know who he is, assdick.
Austin Walker: pff
Austin Walker: what does his shirt say?
Austin Walker: Voknal?
Janine Hawkins: Vokal
Janine Hawkins: NOOOOOOOOOOO
Austin Walker: no one from the ghetto wears Vokal.
2:00 AM
Janine Hawkins: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Austin Walker: I'm not there yet
Janine Hawkins: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Austin Walker: what are you noing?
Austin Walker: NO
Austin Walker: NO
Austin Walker: NO
Austin Walker: NO
Austin Walker: No
Janine Hawkins: "Chocolate... chocolate"
Austin Walker: why
Austin Walker: is he doing that
Janine Hawkins: ............................................................... Ew
Austin Walker: STOP RUBBING YOUR NIPPLES THROUGH YOUR SHIRT FOR ONE SECOND
Austin Walker: that's a shame
Austin Walker: this whole scene is a shame
Janine Hawkins: WHIPPED
Janine Hawkins: "While you're there, get a box of condoms. My boyfriend's coming over tonight."
Austin Walker: ok ok, so he's clearly me in some respects. Like his easily manipulativabiltiy. Not in his EEC capacity.
Janine Hawkins: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Janine Hawkins: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Janine Hawkins: BRILLIANT
Austin Walker: this is horrendous. stop showing me this
Janine Hawkins: I got it goin' on! I got it goin' on!
Austin Walker: Ok, I'm gonna let you in on a secret. All black men do that, all the time.
Austin Walker: As soon as white women are no longer near them.
Austin Walker: They just chant that
Austin Walker: like a mantra.
Janine Hawkins: While twitching?
Janine Hawkins: While naked horny women wait?
2:05 AM
Austin Walker: yes.
Austin Walker: all the time.
Janine Hawkins: fat greek doctor... meeting her gynecologist in a restaurant?
Janine Hawkins: That's a little public
Austin Walker: The second I close my IM window with you, I open up MS Word and just type "I got it goin on! I got it goin on! I got it goin on!"
Austin Walker: Yeah a bit....
Janine Hawkins: ROFL
Austin Walker: If the greek doctor gets in on the action with Bellamy I quit.
Austin Walker: She's a voyuer. That's the greek doctor's fetish.
Austin Walker: I told you, this movie is all about sexual taboos.
Janine Hawkins: greeks and blacks?
Austin Walker: yes
Janine Hawkins: ripped purpleshirt nerds and desperate women with wine?
Austin Walker: yup
Austin Walker: (ripped purpleshirt nerds who got it goin' on!)
Janine Hawkins: DIE
Austin Walker: for you, anything XP
Janine Hawkins: Is it like peeing? like if you go too long something tingles and you have to go get it going on and relieve yourself?
Austin Walker: ...
Janine Hawkins: "Excuse me, I have to go get it goin' on."
2:10 AM
Austin Walker: see, those are normal black people
Austin Walker: Nigga, them three must be hos, son."
Janine Hawkins: I don't like when girls have that undercleavage
Austin Walker: when they have it, or when they display it
Austin Walker: and so you do like it when they have the normal cleavage? *smirk*
Janine Hawkins: Depends on the cleavage
Austin Walker: I need to be way more like the black guy in the sweater.
Janine Hawkins: Shit up purpleshirt.
Janine Hawkins: ...shut up
Austin Walker: ew
Austin Walker: ew
Austin Walker: They're going for a walk alright.
Austin Walker: A walk with his penis.
Janine Hawkins: Guys who've been in jail don't wear beige sweaters.
Austin Walker: That black guy said Golden Gobe.
Austin Walker: hahaha
Janine Hawkins: Greek doctor's getting picked up.
Austin Walker: is it by purpleshirt
Austin Walker: no
Austin Walker: who...is that?
Janine Hawkins: I don't know
Austin Walker: he has a huge forehead
Austin Walker: and that's not all
Janine Hawkins: but something tells me she'll be dead soon.
Austin Walker: haha
Austin Walker: buried in the desert
Janine Hawkins: That's the end? What?
Austin Walker: wait
Austin Walker: what
Austin Walker: so he wins?
Austin Walker: There was no sincerity in that guys voice.
Austin Walker: Bellamy's.
Austin Walker: He was really only in it for the ass.
Austin Walker: Well, ok, not the ass, since she didn't have one.
Austin Walker: The cooch.
Janine Hawkins: .....What about purpleshirt?
Austin Walker: he's whipped now.
Austin Walker: now he can whack it while fantasizing about his girlfriend.
Austin Walker: who probably won't so much as touch him

Classes next year. YAY.

Thu, 25 May 2006 18:34:05 GMT

Monday: NOTHING. Sweet.
Tuesday: 11:30-12:30 Brit Lit, 3:30-5 Shakespeare, 6:30-9:30 Sociology of Education. Tuesdays will SUCK for assignment due dates.
Wednesday: 11:30-12:30 Brit Lit Seminar, 6:30-9:30 french (Composition in FA, Business in WI)
Thursday: 11:30-12:30 Brit Lit, 3:30-5 Shakespeare, 6:30-9:30 Dev. Psychology for Educators. This is just tuesday with a different social science.
Friday: 10-11:30 Orientation toward teaching placement (meet once a month or something)
This is going to suck a little bit.

Thu, 18 May 2006 00:15:10 GMT

Denim Down

Tue, 16 May 2006 13:02:04 GMT

So I was commanded to write about work, but I don't have that much to say. Maybe I'll learn to type faster here. I know I will at least with the number pad. that fucking number pad, it's all I do. Until I'm on a break, lunch, or haven't started yet. Then it's myspace, livejournal, anything to pass the time instead of just.... sitting. Sitting! I hate it. Staring at that IBM Java Emulator AS400 screen shit. It's better now that I have a proper monitor. I rigged up the laptop the monitor runs off of so that I have a nice dual display. I put the email and calendar in one monitor, and the system crap in the bigger one.
And I made all my menus pink.
I'm fruity like that. Anyway, work time.

Sat, 06 May 2006 22:11:42 GMT

This will all sound whiny, provoke many a "Suck it up, princess!" Buuut...
Got dragged to the mall to find... a jacket. All the 'jackets' look the SAME this season. Like, hello, variety's calling collect, and none of these stores will pick up the charges.
.... Clueless moment.
I settled on a purse. it's flimsy and weird shaped, but I had no other wierd choices. It's a Janine purse as others would define it, not me. Got some Clinique makeup too. Foundation and champagne gloss. It's nice on my skin. In theory anyway. i can't ever really tell.
It's gotten so that going to Chapters depresses me. The comic by my favourite artist seemed boring, and it broke my heart; the Gravitation novel is HORRIBLY written, I couldn't bare to really look at it long. It was like uninspiring fanfiction. And, the real kicker....
That new biography of chairman mao? SHocking revelations, jazzy cover, thicker than a dictionary? 50$. I think I actually felt my heart explode and fizzle a little.
I think next weekend I'm going to go downtown and poke into the nutty chocolatier for some gelato. And maybe get one of those hot dog cart hotdogs, sit on the rim of the fountain, and watch the busses for a little while. Anyone want to come with?

Sat, 06 May 2006 04:51:37 GMT

This kills my soul.
Wrongness. And bad House dialogue.

Life in the carpool lane.

Thu, 04 May 2006 08:16:42 GMT

Lately, I can't tell whether or not my life is on a charmed path or not. There are days, like today, where every misstep seems utterly trivial, and other days where the roof collapses on me, followed shortly by the floor collapsing under me.
Granted that was a little dramatic, wasn't it? But it's 4am and I'm watching Angel reruns under a Hello Kitty blanket in a basement colder than the dimples in a witch's ass.
Today did go rather well. Right before going out to drop off resumes at Sears, Staples, Chapters, and the usual retail crapshoots, Julie calls from the Cooperators, offering me a "6-8 week" "project" with uncertain hours, but 13.68 an hour, full time for the first week. Coupled with that, I'm being shared with Suzanne, who works closer to my mother, flitting between whatever projects they'll have me on. If I catch on fast and work hard, the jobs could go until August, full time. That is precisely what i want. Dad calculated (though his math is what i would call "Optimistic", and added an extra 6-8 weeks ontop of what's laid out... and he was way off now that I do the calcs myself, but still....) that this job could take a sizeable chunk out of school fees. Nice, if I want that laptop, and if I hope to... you know... finish school without amassing a frightful debt? Something like that.
But I have to get new clothes. i don't have enough.... business.... stuff...? I don't... have a real purse.....?
I suddenly lost cohesiveness. Bedtime soon. Very soon.
Umm...
I was going to say stuff about a wireless router too...
Mmmuh. I should set my computer up in my room. And... clean.

I need to work.
This is boring.
Bedtime.

I want one. badly.

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 23:37:05 GMT

http://www.nabaztag.com/vl/FR/index.jsp#

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 07:32:24 GMT

Find your own pose!

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 04:50:06 GMT

Austin Walker: name something that's fire resistant?
Janine Hawkins: Fire-extinguishing foam.
Austin Walker: lol
Janine Hawkins: It's not?
Austin Walker: I meant something in like nature
Austin Walker: I don't know
Janine Hawkins: uh...
Janine Hawkins: Nature is pretty flammable
Janine Hawkins: ..Water?
Janine Hawkins: Rocks?

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 17:01:44 GMT

it's odd the role that psychology has on really simple situations...
I've started catching wafts of that sterile smell of residence that i remember from visiting in the summer. I never smelled it at all, living here, until now, a week and a half before I leave.

Oh, and i meant blank recipe cards. XD

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 00:49:34 GMT

I need recipe cards. :-|

Villa of Stars

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 13:54:20 GMT

It was pointed out by.. 3... people, oddly, that I hadn't used this blog since march. That's only a couple weeks, really, but i figured what the hell. I have 12 more days left in North Bay. When I get home, I have to take driver's training classes and get my g2, and I also need to get a job. I want to get a laptop at some point, and for my birthday all I'm hoping for is the new Harvest Moon game, and a small non-stick frying pan.
I hadn't been sleeping well recently, but unlike the advice I got from Amanda, and dad, indicated, it just sort of fixed myself. My sleep schedule corrected overnight to a better one than I had even going through high school. I get exhausted around midnight or so, and wake up almost without fail around 7 every morning. I feel better getting up early, oddly enough, sometimes I nap a little around noon (I see the origins of the siesta perfectly now). If I can keep this schedule going, a full time job will be no problem to get up for every morning. Can't even sleep in when I have 3 days of nothing straight. It's a miracle, really...
Oh, and Happy Easter.

So Succexy in this Bittersweet now.

Fri, 31 Mar 2006 00:21:47 GMT

It's a little sad when you can't enjoy a poetic mood anymore because the clichéed-ness of the Lisa Loeb in the poet shirt with a braided bracelet makes you feel guilt for it.
There's one more week of classes, then several weeks of exams.
All non-exam related work and testing is done.
The big poster I made of my favourite What If illustrations keeps sliding down from the wall. No matter how much sticky tack I use, it crashes to the floor in the middle of the night, dragging me out of the sleep I manage to get. I go to bed early, and my body wakes me yup in time to watch the back-to-back episodes of Angel on Space at three and four in the morning. I lay in bed, eventually they end, and if I'm lucky I get back to sleep. I'm occasionally left wide awake after less than five hours of sleep, while other days, thirteen hours of sleep will still leave me exhausted. I miss how I felt in high school, especially now that it's spring. I miss walking home along Woodlawn road if I was out of bus tickets. At the same time I wish this place were further from high school. I'm consciously aware that this school is the only one right for me, but my education doesn't start to specialize until next year. it feels like big high school. I have to admit I doubt things sometimes. Would I be happier if I went into a journalism program at Ryerson? What if I'd done design at OCAD? Or even trained at a college to be a chef? Do i want to teach high school, or specialize further in Guelph to be a Professor? Should I abandon my plans to teach abroad? Are they even as feasible as they seemed? Do I want to write?
I want to be able to write again. I've lost it, and I'm scared to pen anything new. I'm haunted by my fear of being that cliché and it's inescapable. Do I want to be an artist?
I like art, but I'm not strong enough for it.
I've all but abandoned music.
So I do miss in high school, when I wrote, painted, played. I was far more self-assured then too, though it never felt that way.
It's very tiring, running away from the cliché.

The one thing I am happy with, though... I like having French. I dislike the courses, I don't want to make it my life, but it is something I use to identify myself now. It's an image, for me. That's probably not a good thing.

pigtest

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 11:23:52 GMT

I drew a pig

I drew the pig:
Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.
With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.
With 4 legs showing, they are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals.
The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better. You drew medium sized ears, you are a good listener
The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life.
And again more is better! You did not draw a tail :)

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 07:59:10 GMT

Austin Walker: dodgeball is on tv.
Austin Walker: The movie, not the psuedo-sport.
Janine Hawkins: ...
Austin Walker: ever see it?
Janine Hawkins: no
Austin Walker: I thought it would be "below me"
Austin Walker: but it ends up really funny
Janine Hawkins: there's not many things below you.
Austin Walker: Oooh, you're a wild cat tonight aren't you?
Austin Walker: *smirk*
Austin Walker: I think me being on the bottom of the pyramid has worked out in my favor thus far - I met you down here, didn't I?
Austin Walker: not in the mood tongiht?
Austin Walker: (yowza)
Janine Hawkins: >_>
Janine Hawkins: MY bedding is wildcat themed.
Austin Walker: I'm well aware.
Austin Walker: MINE is not.
Austin Walker: mine is blue themed.
Janine Hawkins: ...I had the strongest urge to use 'junglebaby' in my response. >_>
Austin Walker: damn, you should've.
Austin Walker: That would've been at least unexpected.
Austin Walker: and cute, somehow...
Janine Hawkins: Aww, racism. <3
Austin Walker: haha
Austin Walker: You're like magic, luv.
Austin Walker: Somehow you make the illogical work
Janine Hawkins: lol riiight

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 23:54:13 GMT

I woke up this morning (okay it was like 3pm) craving an RPG.
I miss .hack//infection.

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 08:31:00 GMT

I would kill, or at least do horrible things, for even a low-level 12 inch ibook right now. I like this computer much more, but it's... restrictive. I would swipe Beth's laptop if it weren't crap.
... No I wouldn't.
But she'd lock her door more often.
In other news, I got into residence for next year, so I won't have to live year-round in the grody government townhouses down the street.
They're not really grody, and I'm sure they're better than the school townhouses that I PRAY we don't get stuck in, but I'm not interested in living there. At all.
And also, I apparently cannot sleep without my gray puppy anymore, which made the nights after I fought with him, and subsequently kicked the puppy representing him into the closet, all the more difficult.
I'm having a hard time deciding right now if I like being here, or being home more. I'm counting down until summer vacation like everyone else, but I know as soon as it's here, I'll be counting until my second year starts.
...Though I am looking forward to it.
... Simultaneously dreading it.
I don't know what I want anymore.

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 03:43:09 GMT

I really really really enjoy watching Girl Interrupted. I drop everything, sit, and stare. I barely move. I love the movie, but the book is a dramatically different sort of thing.

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 02:59:50 GMT

Yesterday-- train leaves at 8:45 to arrive at 1pm ish in NB.
It arrives at 8pm.
Gag...
but I went to my history seminar today.

... And beth is making me use Myspace now.